it was a wonderful splash

an amalgamation of things that amuse me.

spacemuffinz:

kat-howard:

dbvictoria:

Shakespearean insults, with cats.

7 more here.

I did not realize how very perfect cats were at delivering Shakespeare’s insults until now.

i had no idea what was happening til i saw the description
i should read a book

(via accidentaleeinlove)

the-dick-lord-levi:

So we have an Italian exchange student at our school. And he and I were hanging out and he saw a pony, and he tried to show me but he didn’t know what it was called so he just pointed at it and said “Look, the compressed horse.” 

And then he just grinned at his complete understanding of the English language.  

(via days-of-dust)

soprie:

actionables:

hmm, yoga is kind of girly #nohomo let’s rename it so it sounds manlier and make it just for the bros for the bros only

WHY DO MEN NEED TO REBRAND EVERYTHING TOUCHED BY WOMEN?
SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR YOGURT AND SALAD AND DO YOUR YOGA

Thank god men can do their broga and eat their brogurt while living their testostolife, keeping their extremely fragile masculinity intact.

soprie:

actionables:

hmm, yoga is kind of girly #nohomo
let’s rename it so it sounds manlier and make it just for the bros
for the bros only

WHY DO MEN NEED TO REBRAND EVERYTHING TOUCHED BY WOMEN?

SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR YOGURT AND SALAD AND DO YOUR YOGA

Thank god men can do their broga and eat their brogurt while living their testostolife, keeping their extremely fragile masculinity intact.

(via armydoctorpeterpotter)

kiwoa:

aseaofquotes:

Albert Goldbarth, “The Sciences Sing a Lullaby”

Transcript:
Physics says: go to sleep. Of courseyou’re tired. Every atom in youhas been dancing the shimmy in silver shoesnonstop from mitosis to now.Quit tapping your feet. They’ll danceinside themselves without you. Go to sleep.
Geology says: it will be alright. Slow inchby inch America is giving itselfto the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darknesslap at your sides. Give darkness an inch.You aren’t alone. All of the continents used to beone body. You aren’t alone. Go to sleep.
Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow,Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle,Psychology says: but first it has to be night, soBiology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over townandHistory says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

kiwoa:

aseaofquotes:

Albert Goldbarth, “The Sciences Sing a Lullaby”

Transcript:

Physics says: go to sleep. Of course
you’re tired. Every atom in you
has been dancing the shimmy in silver shoes
nonstop from mitosis to now.
Quit tapping your feet. They’ll dance
inside themselves without you. Go to sleep.

Geology says: it will be alright. Slow inch
by inch America is giving itself
to the ocean. Go to sleep. Let darkness
lap at your sides. Give darkness an inch.
You aren’t alone. All of the continents used to be
one body. You aren’t alone. Go to sleep.

Astronomy says: the sun will rise tomorrow,
Zoology says: on rainbow-fish and lithe gazelle,
Psychology says: but first it has to be night, so
Biology says: the body-clocks are stopped all over town
and
History says: here are the blankets, layer on layer, down and down.

(via if-on-a-winters-night)